I learned to juggle silverware and chainsaws at the age of three. On my fifth birthday I received a camera and took up photography, which culminated in my first National Geographic cover photo fourteen days later. That summer I built a school.

Since that time, I have twice achieved Nirvana. The Vatican asks my advice on matters of state. I mow grass without missing a single blade, and I bowl turkeys in every game. I bench-press one and a half times my weight.

I can make balloon animals and fold origami with my tongue. I have been a reoccuring guest-star on The Dukes of Hazzard. I can say with certainty that I have, on two occasions, prevented forest fires. I am known in certain Buddhist circles as The Leopard.

I mix my whites and darks, but my colors never bleed. My grilled swiss-on-rye has received international attention. I shave with enthusiasm, I argue with gusto, and I challenge young minds. I never forget a face. On holidays, I pack lunches for people who do not have the day off. I am a student of Science, a master of Carpentry, and the most feared man in Tibet. My socks match.

I have been everywhere and loved it all. I am licensed to fly the space shuttle and three varieties of zeppelin. The Queen Mother sends me Christmas cards. While attending a colloquium in Copenhagen, I translated Dostoevsky into six African tribal languages on a stack of paper napkins. I win at poker.

But I never told anybody until now.

Name: Jon
Age: Ageless
Location: United States

Education: Bachelors in Computer Science
Hobbies: Ruling the world
Religion: Christianity in the sense that I believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God
Favorite Foosd: All Food

Art Experience: Almost none.

About this website: This website has been entirely and completely hand-coded by me. "Insanity!" you say, "Why would you ever do that?" you ask. I'm glad you asked me that. Two reasons - 1) because then I know exactly what is going on and why something is or isn't working, and 2) because the popular programs out there don't do what I want them to! I'm a little bit of a nerd too and somewhat enjoy programming (any kind). OK I admit it, I'm a massive nerd!! I'm not ashamed!!! I admit it freely!! Nerds around the world, unite!!!